Other People Are Probably Watching Us More Closely Than We Think

其他人可能关注我们的程度可能比我们所想像的还要多


I like the catchy term that scientists recently came up with to describe a common psychological phenomenon: the "invisibility cloak illusion". I don't quite like what it describes.

我喜欢科学家最近想出的一个描述一种常见的心理现象“隐形斗篷错觉”的挺吸引人的术语。不过我不太喜欢它所描述的内容。

According to the scientists, and their 2016 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, we incorrectly assume that other people aren't paying nearly as much attention to us as we are to them.

根据科学家和他们2016年在《人格与社会心理学》杂志上发表的论文,我们错误地认为其他人对我们的关注并不像我们关注他们一样那么多。






In 2000, psychologists found that people aren't paying nearly as much attention as we think they are to the things we're self-conscious about.

在2000年,心理学家就发现了人们并没有像我们所认为的那样那么关注那些我们自己发觉的事情。

In a now well-known study, students walked around a party in a Barry Manilow T-shirt and ended up wildly overestimating how much the other party guests noticed their attire.

在一个当下非常有名的论文中,学生穿着巴瑞·曼尼洛的体恤衫在聚会中到处走动,最终发现他们高估了聚会的其他参加者对他们所穿服装的关注度。

The title of the Times op-ed says it all: "You're too focused on what you're too focused on."

《泰晤士报》专栏文章的标题说明了一切:“你过于关注你过于关注的事情了。”

There are benefits to realising that other people are thinking about you as much as you're thinking about them

意识到别人正如你如何关注他们的一样关注你这件事是有一些好处的。

Reading through the research, I thought back to the day I somehow showed up to work in boots that were heavily stained with dirty snow. As soon as I realised, that was all I could think about every time I passed a coworker in the hallway.

通过阅读这篇研究成果,我回忆起来某一天我穿着被雪弄脏的靴子出现在单位里的情景。当我在走廊里和同事们擦肩而过的时候,我才意识到自己的鞋已经被弄脏了。


On the other hand, as I've been writing this article, donning my metaphorical invisibility cloak, my coworkers may have been noticing everything from how loud I'm typing to how much I'm slouching. Who knew?

在另一方面,正如我在写这篇文章的时候一直穿着刚才比喻过的那件隐形斗篷一样,我的同事可能已经注意到了我打字的声音和我懒散的样子。 谁知道呢?

The point here isn't to feel self-conscious whenever you're in public. Instead, as Boothby suggests in The Times op-ed, it's to understand how miscommunication can happen.

这里的关键是,无论何时你出现在公共场合中,都不要过于相信自己的判断。恰恰相反,正如布斯柏在《泰晤士报》专栏文章中所建议的那样,你应该理解错误判断是怎样产生的。

For example, she writes: "Employees pull their hair out in frustration while bosses obliviously believe their instructions are simple and straightforward."

例如,她写道:“当老板们明显相信他们做出的指示是简单和直白的时候,雇员们却感到焦虑,拔掉自己的头发。”

Meanwhile, Margaret S. Clark, another author on the paper, told Psychology Today that it's worth remembering how much other people may in fact be thinking about you.

与此同时,另一名论文和合著者玛格丽特.S.克拉克对《今日心理学》杂志说:很有必要回忆清楚其他人究竟是如何看待你的。

Clark said, "If I want to go out to lunch with you, and I think that I'm thinking it more than you'rethinking it, then I might be hesitant to ask."

克拉克说:“如果我想要和你一起出去吃顿饭,而且我认为我比你更想做这件事,那么我可能会犹豫是否要向你提这件事。”

So: Remove your invisibility cloak and ask. The other person might be pleasantly surprised, and relieved.

因此,请脱下你的隐形斗篷,然后大胆地问这件事,听话者可能会感到惊喜和轻松自在。